In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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