He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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