I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
