bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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