Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
