8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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