just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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