Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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