His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
