so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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