K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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