nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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