You made me cry and you don't even care
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
