I am in a vortex of obligation.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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