What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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