honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
