i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
