So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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