Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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