My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
soo... how was my night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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