btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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