It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize