I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
