I faked an abortion last night.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
