you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
