I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We just shotgunned beers for America
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
