he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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