her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
