I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
