grandma shit on top of the toilet
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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