He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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