last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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