i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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