I wish they made helmets for livers.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
