you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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