i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
