I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
