don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
