I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
