i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
