I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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