wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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