Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wish you could order shots online.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm getting married
To pizza
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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