First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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