i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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