Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
