oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Will exercising make me less horny?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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