Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
