from now on my penis is your penis
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
