I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
