i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
