OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
