If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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