fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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