You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize