i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
if only i could text you this smell
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
