I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
