just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
