Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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