So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
