i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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