There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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