This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
