Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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