Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
