I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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