Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
