Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
