I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
