Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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