i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
