i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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