Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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